I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
