"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
