I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
