You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
