I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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