We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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