i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
