summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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