I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there's paper in my vomit.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
