If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
