trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
