Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
