did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
