It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
3 2 1 whiskey
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
