No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
