i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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