Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
