Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
