I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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