I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
