yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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