the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
