i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
