Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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