I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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