Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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