..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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