she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
