we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
