Non-Jews are for practice
she looked like the before picture.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
