Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
