I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
