She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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