Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
