I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
