i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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