After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
