so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
