Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
