the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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