He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
