im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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