watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
