Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
