I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
