Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
