Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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