Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
