can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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