ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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