I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
