Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
