On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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