I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
