I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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