I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
