Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
