Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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