If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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