I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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