he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
