The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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